We are told that sex and love are part of the same instinct; I disagree. Love is a pleasant sensation of comfort we feel when we’re close to a special person. It’s what a child feels on their mother’s lap, everyone’s first object of love. The pain that comes from the vulnerability and incompleteness we all feel from the moment we are born decreases during these moments, giving in to pleasure. Love is exactly the same in childhood and adulthood. Love is peace and harmony next to a very special and unique person. There’s no such thing, therefore, as loving oneself.
Sex is a pleasant feeling of arousal that comes from the stimulation of certain parts of the human body. During childhood, it’s an essentially personal, self-eroticism. Stimulating their own erogenous zones brings them intense pleasure. In adult life, human beings are sexually attracted to a large number of people. Men feel a strong visual desire for almost all women, while women get aroused by noticing they’re considered attractive. It looks like an interpersonal affair, but it’s so indiscriminate that the other person does not really matter. Love is directed to a unique and special person; sex is not.
Love is peace and it is interpersonal. Sex is arousal and is essentially personal. The most typical moment of sex, which is the orgasm, is more solitary, unlike what we usually think: the physical arousal is so high that we are totally focused on it, the same way we would be if we were in a lot of pain. There is no place, under these physiological conditions, to pay any kind of attention to anyone else. Maybe this is why people prefer to have sex with someone they love, so they can cuddle later, hold them tight and lessen the loneliness that comes after experiencing the height of sexual pleasure.
Tradução: Amanda Morris