The main reason why good people (people who are more generous, genuine, laid-back and unable to say NO to others) are more afraid of falling in love than takers (people more prone to selfishness, less genuine, unable to handle frustration, aggressive and solely devoted to their self-interest) is that the former are capable of truly loving, while the latter just really enjoy being loved. The fear of diving headfirst into this feeling is larger for those who are more fascinated and attracted to it. It is the fear, among others, of “diluting” ourselves into another person and losing our identity.
Good women are also more afraid of love than takers, who tend to be more daring and flaunt themselves more aggressively, showing a marked preference for sexuality and vanity over affection and romance. But at the same time, even today, girls grow up believing that marriage is the crowning achieving at a certain stage of life and an important psychological and social step forward. Marriage should be based on love, which generates a contradiction: when love is requited, it is frightening; yet this is the main criteria to choose a fitting partner.
What happens, then, is that men and women who are capable of love end up with their opposites: takers who, above all, want to be loved. This kind of relationship is not seen as a threat and, as such, it is easier to go steadfastly into marriage. On the other hand, when their partner is also a good person, the fear is overwhelming, because the connection makes intimacy all the much “hotter.” For women, this fear is easier to bear because marriage is an answer to both their desires: being close to their loved one and taking that important step forward.
But I have never heard a man say that his highest desire is to marry and have children! Men don’t see this as a social advantage, much less as a way to fix any crucial practical matters. They don’t even want children as much as women do. Therefore, a man’s only impulse towards love (and, eventually, marriage) is the company of their beloved. There is nothing to alleviate the fear of love and no other variables to consider. When they decide to be with a woman, they do so out of bravery and exclusively for love: maybe they are more romantic that they get credit for. Even more than women!
Here’s a tip: whenever the fear of love is very intense, you should consider the possibility that you are in a very good and promising relationship!
Tradução: Amanda Morris