On Being Alone…

By | 04/04/2016

This new millennium hasn’t just brought technological advances; romantic relationships have also gone through a deep transformation, and revolutionized the concept of love. What people want these days is a relationship that fits into our times, in which there is individuality, respect, joy and pleasure in each other’s company. People in relationships no longer depend on one another for their well-being.

The romantic concept of one person as a solution that will bring us happiness is destined to disappear. Romantic love assumes that people are a fraction who must find their other half to be complete. This kind of relationship, at times, promoted depersonalization which, historically, more often affected women, as they were required to abandon their personalities to go along with their man’s projects. This assumption is also at the root of the theory that opposites attract, in which a partner should be what the other, supposedly incomplete person, is not; if one is quiet, the other should be combative, for instance. It must be said, if the idea is searching for someone to fill a gap, it’s eminently practical in nature, and not romantic at all.

Partnership is the keyword these days. Love as a need is being exchanged for love as a desire; a person can enjoy and want their partner’s company, but they don’t need it and that changes everything.

These days, with all the technology that allows people to be completely self-sufficient, they are losing their fear of being alone and learning to live better with themselves. People are beginning to understand that they even if they feel like a fraction of a person, they are whole – just like their partner, who is not a knight in shining armor or a savior, but a travel companion.

Human beings are animals who change their environment and then must change themselves to adapt to the world they’ve created. We are entering a new age of individuality that is not selfish. Selfish people don’t have their own energy; they feed off other people, whether emotionally or financially.

This new form of love or, as I call it, +love, has a new face and meaning. It’s about the closeness between two whole people, not the union of two halves. And it’s only possible for people who have developed their own individuality; the better they are at living alone, the more prepared they will be to experience a good relationship.

Solitude is good, and being single is nothing to be ashamed of; it is in fact dignified. Good romantic relationships are great, but they are actually very similar to being single, inasmuch as they bring growth and there are no impositions.

Domination and excessive compromise in a relationship belong in the past century. After all, if we acknowledge that each brain is unique, and the way one person thinks is in not a frame of reference to understand others, we realize that we do not need to bend someone else to our standards. Often, people believe they’ve found their soul mate, when all they’ve done is create a fiction about their partner to fit their taste.

Everyone should be alone every once in a while to establish their internal dialogue and discover their personal strength. In solitude, people are able to realize that harmony and peace can only be found in themselves. Once they learn this, they become less judgmental, more respectful and understanding.

When two people understand they are a whole person, their love is much healthier. In this kind of relationship, there is the comfort from each other’s presence, joy in their company and mutual respect.

Tradução: Amanda Morris