On Being Alone…

It was not merely technological progress that marked the beginning of this millennium. Amorous relationships are also undergoing deep transformation and revolutionizing the concept of love.

At present, what is sought is a relationship compatible with modern times, in which individuality, respect, joy and the pleasure of being together can exist; no longer a relationship of dependence in which each partner transfers to the other the responsibility for his well-being.

The idea of one person being the solution for our happiness, which was born with Romanticism, is fated to disappear in the beginning of this new century. Romantic love is based on the assumption that we are a fraction and need to find our missing half in order to feel complete. Often, even a process of personality loss can occur which, historically, has predominantly affected women. She abandons her characteristics with the purpose of amalgamating to the masculine project. The theory of the connection between opposites also stems from this root: the other has to know how to do what I am unable to do.

If I am docile, my partner should be aggressive, and so on. That is a practical idea for survival but not quite a romantic one, by the way.

In this century the word of command is partnership. We are exchanging love of need for love of desire.

I enjoy and desire the companionship, but I do not need it, which makes a huge difference.

With technological progress, which demands more individual time, people are losing the dread of being alone and learning to live better in their own company. They are beginning to perceive that they may feel a fraction but that they are whole. The other, with whom one establishes a bond, also feels like a fraction. But he is not a prince or a savior. He is merely a companion for the journey.

Man is an animal who alters the world and, afterwards, needs to recycle himself to adapt to the world that he has fabricated. We are entering the age of individuality, which has nothing to do with selfishness. The selfish individual has no personal energy; he feeds on the energy that emanates from the other, be it financial or moral. The new form of love, or more love, has new features and meaning.

It aims at the encounter of two whole beings, and not the reunion of two halves. And that is only possible for those who succeed to work out their individuality.

The more competent an individual becomes to live alone, the more prepared he will be for a positive amorous relationship. Solitude is okay; to be alone is not shameful. On the contrary, it confers dignity to the individual. Positive amorous relationships are very good; they are very similar to being alone; nobody demands anything from the other and both can grow. Relationships of domination and of exaggerated concessions are things of the past century. Each brain is unique. Our way of thinking and acting cannot serve as reference to evaluate anyone else.

Often we believe that the other is our soul mate when, in truth, what we did was to invent him to our taste. Everyone should stay by themselves once in a while to establish an inner dialogue and to discover their personal strength.

In solitude, an individual understands that harmony and peace of mind can only be found within the self, and not in another. Upon perceiving this, he becomes less critical and more understanding about differences, respecting each way of being.

The love between two whole persons is much healthier. In this type of liaison cozyness exists, plus pleasure in the company and respect for the beloved. It is not always enough to be forgiven by someone, sometimes you need to learn to forgive yourself.

Translated by: Norma Blum