The porn industry, as I have been saying for some time, has long imposed a model of fabricated womanhood. Their sexual behavior, although faked, is supposed to men’s dreams: they agree to everything, are generally submissive (and even go down on their knees for oral sex), and moan loudly, especially when penetrated, whether vaginally or anally. They claim they are coming several times, so their orgasms are easy. Their submission is so extreme that, at the end, they offer their faces for men to ejaculate on.
When they are receiving oral sex, they don’t seem to enjoy it as much; it’s just another form of foreplay that is always rushed, with the exception of the prolonged oral sex they expertly and perform on men.
Real life is nothing like this. What both men and women tend to enjoy, as a rule, is deep kissing, hands that glide slowly over clothing, the gentle and unhurried discovery of each other’s gradually unveiled bodies, and kisses that move from each others mouths to the face and neck.
Besides, the truth is that most women are more aroused by clitoral stimulation than by vaginal or anal penetration. Deeper kisses are an essential erotic ingredient, and a sign that it is okay to move forward. They set the tone, and move from romantic to sexual. Arousal and romanticism are completely different; the sexual side is more animalistic and somewhat more vulgar. This is also true in real life; a romantic atmosphere is more connected to tenderness than to arousal.
Of course, my male eyes hinder my assessment; besides, any attempt to feel what someone else feels can always lead to mistakes—especially in such a case, in which men and women differ so much. But I believe, based on my professional experience, that women in the real world, the ones who are truly liberated, give in to arousal gradually when touched. Women are very sensitive to touch, so those who have no fear, nor other kinds of restraints (which usually come from a desire to control the relationship) dive into the experience and lose themselves to the sensation. They open up. Some might be louder than others, but producing more noise is in no way indicative of the intensity of the pleasure they are feeling.
The clitoris is so sensitive because it has so many nerve endings, which are brought to maximum arousal by touch. Vaginal penetration doesn’t have the same effect, because the vagina is essentially a reproduction organ, and doesn’t have as many nerve endings (childbearing would be intolerable otherwise, as the circumference of a baby’s head is around six inches in circumference at birth). Of course, arousal doesn’t come only from nerve endings; some of it is symbolic. Many women like penetration—or, as people used to say—being “taken” by the man they love.
Most women can only relax, lose and control and give themselves body and soul to arousal if they are having sex with someone they love, or at least, who is close enough to establish trust and safety so they can let go. Even if it’s not romantic love, if a woman trusts and cares about her partner, the odds of her being able to let herself be taken away by arousal increase.
Some women learn how to deal with their sexuality in such a serene and secure way that they’ll be able to let their bodies abandon themselves to the experience, even with partners they barely know. But not many are capable of being like this. In fact, very few women actually want to learn how to be this way, completely in charge of themselves and their sexuality. They prefer being in a relationship, also because of the way they feel after intercourse, when men and women leave their state of solitary ecstasy (yes, because very intense sexual pleasure lies in each person, and the partner disappears at such moments), and then want to delight in the sight of the person they love by their side.
The emptiness felt at the end of sexual intercourse ends is worse for men than it is for women. Men who avoid casual sex are mainly trying to avoid that pit in their stomachs they feel when its over.
So, in short, a truly sexually liberated woman is brave enough to lose control and feel the sensations that come from sexual experiences. She might have orgasms, or not (they are not as essential as it seems), and what most really want is to land, at the end, on the shoulder of a person they love.
Tradução: Amanda Morris